*4*
I leaf again and again through these miserable memories, and keep asking myself, was it then, in the glitter of that remote summer, that the rift in my life began; or was my excessive desire for that child only the first evidence of an inherent singularity? When I try to analyze my own cravings, motives, actions and so forth, I surrender to a sort of retrospective imagination which feeds the analytic faculty with boundless alternatives and which causes each visualized route to fork and re-fork without end in the maddeningly complex prospect of my past. I am convinced, however, that in a certain magic and fateful way Lolita began with Annabel.
我一遍又一遍的回味这些悲惨的记忆，同时问自己：我的生活到底是由那个遥远的夏天开始破裂的呢，或者那时我对那个孩子过剩的欲望仅仅是我怪异的品性的第一次表露？但是当我企图分析我自己的欲望、动机、举止等的时候，我的那些回想带来的是无尽的可能性，而每一种可能又可以无限的细分，将我的过去卷入狂乱的复杂性中——我根本无法理清头绪。但是，我确信，是安娜贝尔魔术般地将我的命运指向萝莉塔。
I also know that the shock of Annabel's death consolidated the frustration of that nightmare summer, made of it a permanent obstacle to any further romance throughout the cold years of my youth. The spiritual and the physical had been blended in us with a perfection that must remain incomprehensible to the matter-of-fact, crude, standard-brained youngsters of today. Long after her death I felt her thoughts floating through mine. Long before we met we had had the same dreams. We compared notes. We found strange affinities. The same June of the same year (1919) a stray canary had fluttered into her house and mine, in two widely separated countries. Oh, Lolita, had you loved me thus!
我也知道，安娜贝尔的死带给我的震惊完全固化了那个噩梦般的夏天在我心中的沮丧，以致我在接下来孤独的青年时期始终无法再次尝试任何浪漫。我们的灵魂和身体已经完美的调和——这是现今实事求是、残忍而思想教条的年轻人绝对无法理解的。在她死后很久，我都可以感觉到她的思想在我的心中涌动；而在我们认识以前很久，我们做的梦都一样。交换日记，我们也发现了奇怪的共通：在同一年（1919）的同一个六月，在她家和我家都飞进过一只迷途的金丝雀，而我们两家却在不同的国家！噢，萝莉塔，你也是这样爱上我的！
I have reserved for the conclusion of my "Annabel" phase the account of our unsuccessful first tryst. One night, she managed to deceive the vicious vigilance of her family. In a nervous and slender-leaved mimosa grove at the back of their villa we found a perch on the ruins of a low stone wall. Through the darkness and the tender trees we could see the arabesques of lighted windows which, touched up by the colored inks of sensitive memory, appear to me now like playing cards — presumably because a bridge game was keeping the enemy busy. She trembled and twitched as I kissed the corner of her parted lips and the hot lobe of her ear. A cluster of stars palely glowed above us, between the silhouettes of long thin leaves; that vibrant sky seemed as naked as she was under her light frock. I saw her face in the sky, strangely distinct, as if it emitted a faint radiance of its own. Her legs, her lovely live legs, were not too close together, and when my hand located what it sought, a dreamy and eerie expression, half-pleasure, half-pain, came over those childish features. She sat a little higher than I, and whenever in her solitary ecstasy she was led to kiss me, her head would bend with a sleepy, soft, drooping movement that was almost woeful, and her bare knees caught and compressed my wrist, and slackened again; and her quivering mouth, distorted by the acridity of some mysterious potion, with a sibilant intake of breath came near to my face. She would try to relieve the pain of love by first roughly rubbing her dry lips against mine; then my darling would draw away with a nervous toss of her hair, and then again come darkly near and let me feed on her open mouth, while with a generosity that was ready to offer her everything, my heart, my throat, my entrails, I have her to hold in her awkward fist the scepter of my passion.
关于我的“安娜贝尔之恋”，我还没有提及我们失败的第一次幽会。那天晚上，她成功地骗过了她家里尖酸刻薄的守夜人。我们在她家后面杂乱的长满含羞草的小树林里找到了一块石墙废墟。透过夜色和细软的树枝，我们可以看到透出灯光的窗户上，蔓藤花纹装饰点缀着精细的色彩。看上去屋里人在玩牌——估计是桥牌将我们的敌人吸引住了。我吻着她的嘴角和她的耳垂，她张着嘴，兴奋得浑身颤动着。在头顶细长的树叶轮廓上方，一群星星闪烁着苍白的光芒；晃动着的天空看起来就像她轻薄的外衣下的身体一样赤裸。在天空下是她的面孔，异常的清晰，就像是发着微弱的光一样；她的腿，那活泼可爱的双腿，靠的并不太拢。当我的手找到了要找的东西时，我们幼稚的面孔浮现出一半喜悦一半痛苦的，梦幻般的奇怪表情。她坐在比我高一点的地方，每当她因兴奋而吻我的时候，她的头就会柔软无力的垂下来，看上去楚楚可怜；而她颤动的嘴扭曲着，看上去就像是被某种神秘的药品刺激了，发着呼吸的嘶嘶声，向我的脸靠近。为了缓解爱的痛苦，她先将她干燥的嘴唇在我的嘴上略略的擦过；然后我的恋人紧张的退开，一边揽她的头发，接下来从暗处靠近，让我吮吸她张开的嘴；我则像是准备为她献出我的一切，我的心、我的喉、我的五脏六腑——她的柔弱的手中握着我所有的激情。
I recall the scent of some kind of toilet powder — I believe she stole it from her mother's Spanish maid — a sweetish, lowly, musky perfume. It mingled with her own biscuity odor, and my senses were suddenly filled to the brim; a sudden commotion in a nearby bush prevented them from overflowing — and as we drew away from each other, and with aching veins attended to what was probably a prowling cat, there came from the house her mother's voice calling her, with a rising frantic note — and Dr. Cooper ponderously limped out into the garden. But that mimosa grove — the haze of stars, the tingle, the flame, the honey-dew, and the ache remained with me, and that little girl with her seaside limbs and ardent tongue haunted me ever since — until at last, twenty-four years later, I broke her spell by incarnating her in another.
我还能回忆起那种爽身粉的味道，估计是她从她母亲的西班牙女仆那里偷来的。那种清甜的麝香味，混合着她饼干般的汗香，让我的感官突然达到极限；不过树林边突然的骚动使它们没有溢出来：当我们心痛地迅速分开，想着估计是一只夜游的野猫时，她的屋里传来她母亲叫她的声音，一声比一声高；同时，库伯医生也蹒跚的走出屋子，来到花园。但是，那片含羞草树林、那朦胧的星光、那兴奋和激情、那甜美和痛楚一直留在我的心里。从此之后，那个在海边伸展着四肢，有着火热的舌头的小女孩就鬼魅般地伴随着我……一直到二十年后，终于，我用她的一个化身破除了这个魔咒。
